Archive for January 27th, 2007
The NewY DUDE
Posted by Kook on January 27, 2007
While i was admiring the beautiful desert view from my office window, i saw a big brand new fancy car approaching the bldg. It was so NEWY, SHINY & FANCY that it blinded me! I was like “Who is the new dude with the new car? a new employee?” Well… the NEWY dude turned out to be my MANAGER! Yes… i was STUNNED myself. OK its either someone won the lottery here or someone got a raise. Well i’m pretty darn sure its the RAISE part! All i could say is how STINGY, i was promised a raise and still NOTHING, NULL, ZERO and than this… a NEWY CAR!!!
Well DUDE i want to be the BABE in a NEWY car too and if no… ur piece of **** is going into FLAMES!!! into ASHES… its going down!! I sure will be singing the song “Burn Baby Burn” by Disco Inferno and of course ENJOYING :)
P.S. This is Devil Kook… but not with a knife this time… but with something MASSIVE! Its time for a MASSIVE DESTRUCTION
Posted in Kook | 9 Comments »
Chuck Norris: The Man, the Myth, the Legend
Posted by dutchman on January 27, 2007
Chuck Norris doesn’t read, he just stares books down till they tell him what he wants to know.
God wanted to create the Earth in ten days but Chuck Norris only gave him six!
If Jack Bauer (the guy in 24) was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris. LOL
Franklin D. Roosevelt once said “There is nothing to fear but fear itself … and Chuck Norris”
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger
God said let there be light and Chuck Norris said “Say Please”.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take showers, he takes bloodbaths…
chuck norris doesn’t believe in the periodic table… he only believes in one element… the element of surprise
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
There’s a reason nobody could find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq: Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn’t get heart attacks; his heart would never be foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris doesnt laugh, he Chuckles.
Chuck Norris cannot donate organs, they would simply be too powerful to be taken on by a mere mortal. After all, hist kidneys turn tap water into a potent mix of distilled vinegar and kerosene.
They tried to market Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it failed. It wouldn’t take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer…too bad the man has never cried.
Chuck Norris can divide by Zero
Every Friday, Chuck Norris stands menacingly on the shores of southern Texas and gazes stoicly into the ocean, whilst masturbating. This is why Hurricane Rita turned east.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If you rearrange the letters in Chuck Norris it reveals his credo:
“I End Lives.”
“Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice :p
Chuck Norris doesn’t give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck
Chuck Norris doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now”
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.”
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
“…Jesus wears a wristband that says \”WWCND\”.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands
Posted in Dutchman | 7 Comments »
Good its not below that!
Posted by Jen on January 27, 2007
The only man in the WORLD who has his heart in the stomach. LOL! :o)
Posted in Jen | 6 Comments »
